( For a moment, he calculates, classifies: what answer does Wei Ying want of him? How can Lan Wangji best deliver it? Hair up, so that Wei Ying can enjoy the satisfaction of showing his obedience, of earning approval? But then, Wei Ying does not thrive off rules-based submission.
If he asks, it's to signal objection. If he asks - just as Lan Wangji's fingers dip down, departing - it's because he wants an alternative.
Lan Wangji can give him that. )
You're not a woman. ( Not so sweet, so careful, so bound. Let Wei Ying have what relief he can of and through this. )
Hmm. [Not a definite answer-- Lan Zhan is putting the burden of that decision in Wei Wuxian's hands. A bit unfair, when Lan Zhan was the one to mention it, as if he's the one who wanted to see it...
He did want to see it, right?]
As a treat for you, I'll do it on occasion-- but only for you. [Not now, of course, when he doesn't have the resources to keep his hair up, nor the prior grooming. Already he's dreading the amount of time he has to spend combing and oiling after a bath.
[That makes Wei Wuxian pause. Dinner with everyone, like the other disciples, the seniors his age and older, Lan Xichen and Lan Qiren, who likely remember him from Sunshot and before, and the juniors who likely have heard the tall tales and believe them?
He doesn't want to be looked at. Speaking during meals may be prohibited, but gawking is not, and there's nothing stopping anyone from talking after.
He doesn't want to put off anyone from their meal either.
Once upon a time, when he started this whole venture, he didn't give a damn about his reputation, he just knew the righteous path-- save the Wens, destroy the camp. That's still the righteous path, and he won't be swayed from it because he refuses to let innocents die... but he also has A-Yuan. He has Lan Zhan. They're in the Cloud Recesses.
He can't act out here, not without endangering either of them.]
Maybe not in the hall with everyone else. You should take A-Yuan though, let him meet other children his age. I'll have to get him cleaned and changed first-- I should have done that before he insisted on this unscheduled nap. Nothing's worse than sleeping when you're grubby and then waking up to soiled sheets. [Then he sits by the little nest the boy has made in his blankets.]
( Instructions for him,for Yuan. Truly, Wei Ying once served upon a battlefield. Lan Wangji cannot deny him, cannot presume, and yet —
He finds himself for the first time in their evening at odds with Wei Ying, even as he permits him to take custody of the child in his untroubled nook.
A fair strategy for their evening, yes. Barring the inevitable brief divorce of an allegedly fresh couple. No. Lan Wangji has allowed much, but not this. )
Zewu-Jun and Uncle both enjoy children. Yuan may be introduced to the infant disciples by them. ( A pause, then: ) Or eat here, beside us.
[He pauses, thinking about that. He really doesn't want to hamper Yuan's growth, and asking Lan Zhan and the child to have dinner with him here might do that... But also.
Eating alone is terribly lonely.
He hates being lonely, one of the reasons why he latched so hard onto this marriage despite the lack of romance or courting, despite the illusions that they are a proper couple.]
Would they be willing to take him tomorrow? He can't spend the entire week attached to our legs, he needs other children too.
( They are negotiating, he suspects, if not with each other, then with themselves. Like Lan Wangji, Wei Ying too seems unwilling to contemplate an outcome that doesn't see a-Yuan enjoying the better part of his stay in pristine conditions.
Selfishly, Lan Wangji has already had the handful of days to strategise to ensure that while maximising Wei Ying's and his time together in some degree of passable privacy. He hesitates, then: )
Shall ask. ( The answer known, but still he performs the protocol to summon then send across a butterfly with the appropriate solicitation. ) The infant disciples here also share a dormitory. If he wishes time alongside his peers.
( To play, he needn't say, because the sect prefers the conceit that, surely, their very own fledgling youths never indulge in the indignity of leisure time. )
[Wei Wuxian wants to pat Yuan's hair, but doesn't out of fear of waking him. He looks like he's having a good sleep, and he's loathe to ruin that. He has better sleeping conditions than Wei Wuxian, for sure, but even a grandmother's love can't turn the Burial Mounds into a welcoming, warm place.]
We'll have to ask him that, in case he wants to crawl into bed with us at night. [Secretly, Wei Wuxian thinks that A-Yuan might, in such an unfamiliar place with only two familiar adults around. Children prefer the safety of what they know and who they know, and even if they adjust quickly to a new environment, the first night or so can be interrupted with crying and nightmares.]
Children his age like doing that, you know. Helps them feel safe. I won't be responsible for a little elbow in your face though!
( A little elbow. Please. As if Lan Wangji hasn't become intimately aware of the extent to which his title is as nothing to children, who scale, cling and coo on or at him without regret. He is grateful for their keen compassion to forgive his inability to engage them wholly.
Even now, though Yuan largely sleeps, Lan Wangji cannot help the burst of affection within his chest, to think of a creature so at ease in his home that he burrowed in to sleep, without qualm. It means more to him than to most. )
Then, he is invited. ( Better to embrace the inconvenience of a squirming, good-natured, jovial body than to begrudge it. )
[Wei Wuxian laughs softly, standing up to give Lan Zhan a hug in his amusement.]
Such a good father, an excellent father! [He may get jealous that Yuan seems to like Lan Zhan better than him... but his jealousy is nothing compared to Yuan's care. The two love each other, that's plain to see, and Lan Zhan is willing to give him everything he wants. That counts for more than Wei Wuxian's pointless little feelings.
After the hug is done, he leans against Lan Zhan's shoulder and smiles up at him.]
Save some of the spoiling for me, though. I don't want to be the responsible parent and do nothing but scold him. That doesn't suit me!
( Only, somehow, affirmative, accepting. No, the image of the strict, scolding parent does not suit Wei Ying — but Lan Wangji is somehow even less suited. They have managed to come together, two men rendered soft and tremble-lipped by the molten looks of children. And now they think they are equipped to father them. For shame.
Just as he prepares to put the point of their incompetence before Wei Ying, two sets of butterflies rush forward: Zewu-Jun's, then Uncle's, closely after. He receives them, humming his approval and instructing a message returned with thanks, before informing Wei Ying: )
They agree. ( A beat. ) Uncle suggests he is more suitable, having minded children. Zewu-Jun... anticipated the argument and reminds he too raised me.
[Wei Wuxian doesn't cackle, but it's a near thing.]
You know what I think?
We should let them fight. In that funny Lan way, the really passive-aggressive way where people just quote rules at each other or pretend to be really nice. [He loved watching those when he was still a guest disciple for the lectures, any time he wasn't getting up to mischief or being punished for said mischief. It's one of the times that he thinks the Lan rules may have merit, because the Lans make verbal sparring entertaining.
Watching two Lans go at it is better than watching street performers.]
It could keep A-Yuan entertained for a while, and help him figure out if he likes his father's older brother or uncle better.
( He startles, gaze wide, bright, nearly luminous. Staring at Wei Ying with rare conern, as if what he has spoken is — perhaps not untrue, but bordering on blasphemy.
...is this how Wei Ying sees them? Passive-aggressive, quick to resort to the rules as weapons, rather than mutual guidance toward virtue? Does he expect no better of Gusu Lan and its foremost leaders? Of course, Lan Wangji cannot demand he should sport kinder sentiments toward anyone, but to think of his own blood and flesh so reviled is a bitter, jarring thing. )
Hmmm? [Wei Wuxian looks up at him more closely, turning his head so he rests his chin on Lan Zhan's shoulder.]
You think they'll just decide who will take A-Yuan? Or will you decide for them?
Aiyah, all right, all right. [He won't get to see Lan Qiren and Zewu-jun face off! A shame!] I'm sure whoever you pick will do well and adore A-Yuan, anyway.
I believe they would comport themselves with dignity.
( Says he, the second son of a lineage that includes Zewu-Jun, playful and thrumming with laughter. Ah, perhaps he exaggerates. All the same, it is not for Wei Ying to shame his people. )
You married in. Speak well of brother and uncle.
( They are now Wei Ying's own to defend, for all he does not know so. For all he might have wanted to wed Lan Wangji, and he alone. He understands, perhaps better than Wei Ying, the complications of their matrimony — that there are lines that should not be crossed, yet that they have already trampled. )
[Wei Wuxian doesn't puff his cheeks at being scolded, but it's a near thing. He barely even knows why! Did Lan Zhan take offense at Wei Wuxian wanting to see his uncle and brother in a Lan face-off?
Aiya.]
All right. I'm sorry, Lan Zhan. [Then he rubs his cheek against Lan Zhan's shoulder, looking up at him with the biggest eyes he can muster, like a puppy begging for scraps from the table.]
( His Wei Ying, lies this man with his sweet mouth. His. And how can Lan Wangji refuse him? In the end, no harm was done, and what few sensitivities were rustled can still be calmed.
As Wei Ying leans in, he welcomes him with a soft, warm hand to his — husband's cheek, calling him to his chest. Like a second, greater child, for all Lan Wangji's intent is increasingly wanting, shamefully desirous.
He wants, more fool he, to kiss this man. )
Not mine to forgive. ( Only his to have, to hold, to treasure. And to subdue, as Yuan shows fledgling starts of stirring. ) Wei Ying. May I kiss you again?
[Those, he thinks, are among the sweetest words that Lan Zhan has said to him today. Not the sweetest, because Wei Wuxian can think of so much more immediately such as the agreement of sharing a bed, but certainly among them.]
Yes. [Lan Zhan need not ask. He no longer needs to, because Wei Wuxian will always say yes, and he would rather cut out that moment in favor of getting to the good part. But he thinks he understands why Lan Zhan will do it all the same.
He stands up properly, so they're on more even footing and Lan Zhan doesn't have to bend down far just to reach him.]
( I am already here, he needn't say, because Wei Ying sees him, knows him, takes the measure of him and finds him — not wholly wanting. A creature he can deign to tolerate, to welcome close.
This time, when he dips in, the kiss isn't soft, isn't without victims or consequence. It burns, and Lan Wangji's fingers dig into the sides of Wei Ying's face, and he pushes their mouths together — hasty, perhaps clumsy, mean. They kiss, and a young moan shatters their peace, and he tips his forehead into Wei Ying's. They break apart. He kisses him again.
A slow, tidal circuit of breaks and incursions, of intimacy purposed. In the end, a-Yuan gives out the small, curious cry of a young creature finding itself gradually awake in a space he's never fully inhabited — and Lan Wangji pulls back, cheeks flushed. )
[Wei Wuxian's lips twist, biting back some teasing-- oh, so he's my son when he's in need of cuddles?, or some such. But his heart is with their son right now, the soft crying a concern when he never wants to hear A-Yuan cry for whatever reason.
But he's also not the sort of parent to smother their child's genuine expression of feelings, when he knows A-Yuan needed to not be so noisy in order to survive the camp. He's had to find a happy medium between the two.]
More kisses later, husband. [This is not a request or an expectation, but a promise. Punctuated with a brush of his thumb over Lan Zhan's lower lip, before he drops his body in an ungainly manner on the sheets right next to Yuan, startling the tears that they halt.]
Aiya, little one, what are you crying for? Want gege's hugs? Come here, come here--
[He welcomes the child climbing on top of him, rolling onto his back to make himself a more comfortable bed. This does give him a good view of what's up above, and grins at Lan Zhan as he wraps his arms around their son's tiny body.]
( More, later. As if a merchant, promising away his wares, never delivering. Barely luring Lan Wangji close and closer, moth to the flame. Wei Ying's mouth is yet plush, still inviting.
Lan Wangji nearly orbits close again —
...but then there is a-Yuan, rightfully demanding his gege's care, and Lan Wangji only steps back, abashedly, to allow the two their privacy, As they frolic in the bed, Lan Wangji sends out butterflies again, passing on his latest instructions. )
[Wei Wuxian signals he's understood Lan Zhan's message by relaying it in an obnoxious tone for Yuan's benefit, taunting him about having to bathe.
To which the child, obviously, complains about.]
No, no! No dinner for stinky little monsters here! We only serve dinner to good kids who clean themselves up. [He stands, tucking the stinky little monster under his arm like a bag of rice.]
Tell him, Lan Zhan! Surely we don't tolerate grubby imps at the dinner table in this house!
( Only, Wei Ying has asked the cavalry assistance of a man who cannot lie, and who finds himself paralyzed, wide-eyed and staring between Wei Ying and his rambunctious charge. Ah, what can he say?
Perhaps, shamefully, he must simply put himself at the mercy of vagaries. Forgive him, a-Yuan. )
We prefer cleansing before meal-time. ( There are, after all, no explicit rules regarding hygiene before partaking of the dinner dishes. ) Yuan. Cleanliness is comforting.
( ...yes, what child has not taken comfort in that? )
[Ah... Lan Zhan is so bad at being asked to do something so suddenly. He really looked like a startled rabbit for a moment.
Cute.
But Wei Wuxian got what he wanted, and he sets Yuan down to finish up the lecture about washing before dinner. And shoos the child off with the excuse of making him pick out his later outfit.
When he straightens up and Yuan digs through their meager traveling pack, he shoots Lan Zhan a smile.]
Just every day with children. Lan Zhan, if you truly want more, you'll have to get used to this kind of conversation.
( Good, somehow, with children. Some part of Lan Wangji had anticipated this, given his friends customary patience with the other disciples of Yunmeng. Once, he led and trained him. Of course he should now extend the same grace to this beautiful infant, clinging obediently to his silks.
Even Lan Wangji, nearly a stranger, has found himself shamefully requesting additional luxuries alongside dinner. When it is inevitably brought, by disciples who know better than to stare but cannot help exchanging glances, the meal encompasses more than the habitual three bowls per person — by several degrees. Alongside Lan fare, they have sneaked in a thick stew in the style of Caiyi, which the kitchen only produces on explicit request, for hosted guests.
These goods find their way to Lan Wangji's small table, and buckets of heated bathing water and a tub follow shortly after. An entire battalion of youthful Lan, all bowing expediently and excusing themselves, their task met.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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If he asks, it's to signal objection. If he asks - just as Lan Wangji's fingers dip down, departing - it's because he wants an alternative.
Lan Wangji can give him that. )
You're not a woman. ( Not so sweet, so careful, so bound. Let Wei Ying have what relief he can of and through this. )
Do as you like.
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He did want to see it, right?]
As a treat for you, I'll do it on occasion-- but only for you. [Not now, of course, when he doesn't have the resources to keep his hair up, nor the prior grooming. Already he's dreading the amount of time he has to spend combing and oiling after a bath.
Then he claps his hands softly together.]
And only on special days!
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Better to remove himself, to nod and accept the concession and impress no further requests upon a man already thieved of so many of his choices. )
For me, on special days. ( But is their reunion in the home Wei Ying married into not one? Ah, no more of this. ) You journeyed long. Will you dine?
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He doesn't want to be looked at. Speaking during meals may be prohibited, but gawking is not, and there's nothing stopping anyone from talking after.
He doesn't want to put off anyone from their meal either.
Once upon a time, when he started this whole venture, he didn't give a damn about his reputation, he just knew the righteous path-- save the Wens, destroy the camp. That's still the righteous path, and he won't be swayed from it because he refuses to let innocents die... but he also has A-Yuan. He has Lan Zhan. They're in the Cloud Recesses.
He can't act out here, not without endangering either of them.]
Maybe not in the hall with everyone else. You should take A-Yuan though, let him meet other children his age. I'll have to get him cleaned and changed first-- I should have done that before he insisted on this unscheduled nap. Nothing's worse than sleeping when you're grubby and then waking up to soiled sheets. [Then he sits by the little nest the boy has made in his blankets.]
I will eat here.
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He finds himself for the first time in their evening at odds with Wei Ying, even as he permits him to take custody of the child in his untroubled nook.
A fair strategy for their evening, yes. Barring the inevitable brief divorce of an allegedly fresh couple. No. Lan Wangji has allowed much, but not this. )
Zewu-Jun and Uncle both enjoy children. Yuan may be introduced to the infant disciples by them. ( A pause, then: ) Or eat here, beside us.
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Eating alone is terribly lonely.
He hates being lonely, one of the reasons why he latched so hard onto this marriage despite the lack of romance or courting, despite the illusions that they are a proper couple.]
Would they be willing to take him tomorrow? He can't spend the entire week attached to our legs, he needs other children too.
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Selfishly, Lan Wangji has already had the handful of days to strategise to ensure that while maximising Wei Ying's and his time together in some degree of passable privacy. He hesitates, then: )
Shall ask. ( The answer known, but still he performs the protocol to summon then send across a butterfly with the appropriate solicitation. ) The infant disciples here also share a dormitory. If he wishes time alongside his peers.
( To play, he needn't say, because the sect prefers the conceit that, surely, their very own fledgling youths never indulge in the indignity of leisure time. )
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We'll have to ask him that, in case he wants to crawl into bed with us at night. [Secretly, Wei Wuxian thinks that A-Yuan might, in such an unfamiliar place with only two familiar adults around. Children prefer the safety of what they know and who they know, and even if they adjust quickly to a new environment, the first night or so can be interrupted with crying and nightmares.]
Children his age like doing that, you know. Helps them feel safe. I won't be responsible for a little elbow in your face though!
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Even now, though Yuan largely sleeps, Lan Wangji cannot help the burst of affection within his chest, to think of a creature so at ease in his home that he burrowed in to sleep, without qualm. It means more to him than to most. )
Then, he is invited. ( Better to embrace the inconvenience of a squirming, good-natured, jovial body than to begrudge it. )
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Such a good father, an excellent father! [He may get jealous that Yuan seems to like Lan Zhan better than him... but his jealousy is nothing compared to Yuan's care. The two love each other, that's plain to see, and Lan Zhan is willing to give him everything he wants. That counts for more than Wei Wuxian's pointless little feelings.
After the hug is done, he leans against Lan Zhan's shoulder and smiles up at him.]
Save some of the spoiling for me, though. I don't want to be the responsible parent and do nothing but scold him. That doesn't suit me!
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( Only, somehow, affirmative, accepting. No, the image of the strict, scolding parent does not suit Wei Ying — but Lan Wangji is somehow even less suited. They have managed to come together, two men rendered soft and tremble-lipped by the molten looks of children. And now they think they are equipped to father them. For shame.
Just as he prepares to put the point of their incompetence before Wei Ying, two sets of butterflies rush forward: Zewu-Jun's, then Uncle's, closely after. He receives them, humming his approval and instructing a message returned with thanks, before informing Wei Ying: )
They agree. ( A beat. ) Uncle suggests he is more suitable, having minded children. Zewu-Jun... anticipated the argument and reminds he too raised me.
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You know what I think?
We should let them fight. In that funny Lan way, the really passive-aggressive way where people just quote rules at each other or pretend to be really nice. [He loved watching those when he was still a guest disciple for the lectures, any time he wasn't getting up to mischief or being punished for said mischief. It's one of the times that he thinks the Lan rules may have merit, because the Lans make verbal sparring entertaining.
Watching two Lans go at it is better than watching street performers.]
It could keep A-Yuan entertained for a while, and help him figure out if he likes his father's older brother or uncle better.
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...is this how Wei Ying sees them? Passive-aggressive, quick to resort to the rules as weapons, rather than mutual guidance toward virtue? Does he expect no better of Gusu Lan and its foremost leaders? Of course, Lan Wangji cannot demand he should sport kinder sentiments toward anyone, but to think of his own blood and flesh so reviled is a bitter, jarring thing. )
There will be no fight. None necessary.
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You think they'll just decide who will take A-Yuan? Or will you decide for them?
Aiyah, all right, all right. [He won't get to see Lan Qiren and Zewu-jun face off! A shame!] I'm sure whoever you pick will do well and adore A-Yuan, anyway.
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( Says he, the second son of a lineage that includes Zewu-Jun, playful and thrumming with laughter. Ah, perhaps he exaggerates. All the same, it is not for Wei Ying to shame his people. )
You married in. Speak well of brother and uncle.
( They are now Wei Ying's own to defend, for all he does not know so. For all he might have wanted to wed Lan Wangji, and he alone. He understands, perhaps better than Wei Ying, the complications of their matrimony — that there are lines that should not be crossed, yet that they have already trampled. )
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Aiya.]
All right. I'm sorry, Lan Zhan. [Then he rubs his cheek against Lan Zhan's shoulder, looking up at him with the biggest eyes he can muster, like a puppy begging for scraps from the table.]
Forgive your Wei Ying?
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As Wei Ying leans in, he welcomes him with a soft, warm hand to his — husband's cheek, calling him to his chest. Like a second, greater child, for all Lan Wangji's intent is increasingly wanting, shamefully desirous.
He wants, more fool he, to kiss this man. )
Not mine to forgive. ( Only his to have, to hold, to treasure. And to subdue, as Yuan shows fledgling starts of stirring. ) Wei Ying. May I kiss you again?
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Yes. [Lan Zhan need not ask. He no longer needs to, because Wei Wuxian will always say yes, and he would rather cut out that moment in favor of getting to the good part. But he thinks he understands why Lan Zhan will do it all the same.
He stands up properly, so they're on more even footing and Lan Zhan doesn't have to bend down far just to reach him.]
Come here, husband, and kiss me.
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This time, when he dips in, the kiss isn't soft, isn't without victims or consequence. It burns, and Lan Wangji's fingers dig into the sides of Wei Ying's face, and he pushes their mouths together — hasty, perhaps clumsy, mean. They kiss, and a young moan shatters their peace, and he tips his forehead into Wei Ying's. They break apart. He kisses him again.
A slow, tidal circuit of breaks and incursions, of intimacy purposed. In the end, a-Yuan gives out the small, curious cry of a young creature finding itself gradually awake in a space he's never fully inhabited — and Lan Wangji pulls back, cheeks flushed. )
...your son wants you.
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But he's also not the sort of parent to smother their child's genuine expression of feelings, when he knows A-Yuan needed to not be so noisy in order to survive the camp. He's had to find a happy medium between the two.]
More kisses later, husband. [This is not a request or an expectation, but a promise. Punctuated with a brush of his thumb over Lan Zhan's lower lip, before he drops his body in an ungainly manner on the sheets right next to Yuan, startling the tears that they halt.]
Aiya, little one, what are you crying for? Want gege's hugs? Come here, come here--
[He welcomes the child climbing on top of him, rolling onto his back to make himself a more comfortable bed. This does give him a good view of what's up above, and grins at Lan Zhan as he wraps his arms around their son's tiny body.]
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Lan Wangji nearly orbits close again —
...but then there is a-Yuan, rightfully demanding his gege's care, and Lan Wangji only steps back, abashedly, to allow the two their privacy, As they frolic in the bed, Lan Wangji sends out butterflies again, passing on his latest instructions. )
Have requested dinner and fresh bathing water.
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To which the child, obviously, complains about.]
No, no! No dinner for stinky little monsters here! We only serve dinner to good kids who clean themselves up. [He stands, tucking the stinky little monster under his arm like a bag of rice.]
Tell him, Lan Zhan! Surely we don't tolerate grubby imps at the dinner table in this house!
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Perhaps, shamefully, he must simply put himself at the mercy of vagaries. Forgive him, a-Yuan. )
We prefer cleansing before meal-time. ( There are, after all, no explicit rules regarding hygiene before partaking of the dinner dishes. ) Yuan. Cleanliness is comforting.
( ...yes, what child has not taken comfort in that? )
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Cute.
But Wei Wuxian got what he wanted, and he sets Yuan down to finish up the lecture about washing before dinner. And shoos the child off with the excuse of making him pick out his later outfit.
When he straightens up and Yuan digs through their meager traveling pack, he shoots Lan Zhan a smile.]
Just every day with children. Lan Zhan, if you truly want more, you'll have to get used to this kind of conversation.
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( Good, somehow, with children. Some part of Lan Wangji had anticipated this, given his friends customary patience with the other disciples of Yunmeng. Once, he led and trained him. Of course he should now extend the same grace to this beautiful infant, clinging obediently to his silks.
Even Lan Wangji, nearly a stranger, has found himself shamefully requesting additional luxuries alongside dinner. When it is inevitably brought, by disciples who know better than to stare but cannot help exchanging glances, the meal encompasses more than the habitual three bowls per person — by several degrees. Alongside Lan fare, they have sneaked in a thick stew in the style of Caiyi, which the kitchen only produces on explicit request, for hosted guests.
These goods find their way to Lan Wangji's small table, and buckets of heated bathing water and a tub follow shortly after. An entire battalion of youthful Lan, all bowing expediently and excusing themselves, their task met.
After them, silence. )
Please. Eat.
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