( ...and how would Lan Wangji know? How might Wei Ying have known so much of children, prior to this encounter? In truth, they're still children of spring, pushed far too early into battle, mature in only the ways of bloodshed. They have entertained neither formal lovers, nor families.
They must learn, together. He finds the thought dangerously, heart-warmingly attractive, turning with sudden interest to settle his hands on Wei Ying's hips, gaze boring down into steely eyes. When he dips in to claim Wei Ying's mouth again, it's airy once more, apologetic. They've quarreled. It was not uniquely Lan Wangji's fault, but he could have done more to dissuade this.
["Our second". Second. The declaration makes Wei Wuxian smile widely, giddy from the thought of Lan Zhan planning another child with him. The kiss probably helped as well.
He wants it, he wants another so much, it's almost a physical need. He wants a small baby he can hug and coo over for hours, even when said baby has kept him up all night crying. He remembers the parents of Lotus Pier and Yunmeng, tired but still fulfilled with their babies, always talking about how good they smell, how strong their grip has gotten, and how cute their little toes are.
Wei Wuxian wants to know all of these for himself, and to experience them with Lan Zhan.]
I hope our second is much smaller, a proper infant. Yuan-er came out of me like that, you know! Fully-formed and yelling "gege!" already.
[Then, in a more subdued tone, as he wraps his arms around Lan Zhan's shoulders:] I always wanted a large family. Will you make it with me, Lan Zhan?
( A large family. A handsome dream for a generation deprived after the Wen wars, their tolls. Lan Wangji considers, mouth soft and gaze even, only to pretend some modicum of restraint before agreeing wholly and relentlessly.
Children. A large family. Happiness the likes of which Zewu-Jun and he always admired, but never claimed for themselves. It could be theirs, Wei Ying's and his. He might have this, as real and solid as the man in his arms.
Let us see hpw your body fares after the second. ( After all, rearing two children is a feat even for a more veteran couple, and they have a slew of misunderstandings between them. In truth, to insert even one addition is... hardly prudent. And so, carefully: )
[There it is. They'd circled back to this topic, even if they brushed over it in the past and Wei Wuxian fully ignored it because he wanted to stay in the illusion of a happy marriage for as long as possible.
He still does, because reality is painful to think about, even if he is the one who chose this life of hardship, living in poverty as a refugee and criminal, and is adamant in staying in it, until their circumstances change somehow. His life is not his own, but he ignored it to enjoy an illusion, even for a moment. And now... he has to choose between two realities that he's made. The Wens, and his marriage.
He presses his face into Lan Zhan's shoulder.]
I want to. I wish I could. I want to stay and build a life with you. [Then he takes a deep breath, and breaks the illusion.]
But... I can't leave the Wens, not when they're suffering in that mountain and choking on resentment. Not when most of society would happily see them dead, or worse, suffering the way the Jins did, just because of what their cultivators had done during Sunshot.
[He dreads hearing what Lan Zhan's response will be.]
( If they were lesser men, they might have eloped. If they were better one, they would each attend to his duty. As things stand, they dither between states, Lan Wangji inevitably, impossibly demanding that which Wei Ying seems to know far better can never be achieved.
He wants, very badly, to scream. To coil his fingers into tight-knuckled fists, to release waves of destructive qi, to make a histrionic nuisance of himself. Doesn't. They have a child nearby, one barely relieved from the hurts of penury. And Hanguang-Jun has the pretence of his dignity, besides.
His head tips back, while he gazes at the ceiling, at the silent skies he knows wait beyond. Shutters his eyes. Then, hesitantly, he sketches a nod. )
Shall ask Zewu-jun if they may be fostered here. ( A risk, he knows all too well, that Cloud Recesses may prove unable to afford, their status and resources both diminished after the war, the name of the Wen anathema. )
[That is... a distressingly long silence that makes Wei Wuxian's heart beat so fast and so strong in his chest that he thinks it will break his bones, escape the confines of his chest, and rest in his head. He can definitely feel it in his ears pounding away like the Jade rabbit at its mortar.
However, whatever Wei Wuxian was dreading, it doesn't seem to come to pass. He hears something wonderful, and he pulls back enough to look at his husband in the face, cupping his cheeks.]
Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Lan Zhan. [He's so relieved that he's babbling.]
I'll do anything to help make it happen. I-- I'll give them my name, just so they won't be called Wen anymore, if he wants.
[It's a wonder that his voice remains steady, if a bit thin.]
( 'Anything,' he says. 'Anything,' as if he means 'the world.' 'Anything,' as if they don't both know Jin Guangshan would gladly have it. 'Anything,' and Lan Wangji knows it true.
Anything, anything, anything. And his mouth breaks in a fractured smile, and he wants what peace the world has ever denied Wei Ying, wants to bring it, bound and delivered in his unworthy hands. There is nothing he can say, at first. Wei Ying lingers far, Lan Wangji pulls him in, and together they can sway gently unseen and unworthy.
He releases him, moments after. ) Wei Ying, enough. Enough. He cannot be swayed. If it is to be done, it will be done.
( Words, pleading are unnecessary. Zewu-Jun must act as his conscience commands of him. )
[Wei Wuxian quiets down with this reminder-- they're at the mercy of Lan Xichen, a new sect leader who has a sect to rebuild and two sworn brothers to please. Still, he clings to Lan Zhan even as he's released, taking in the warmth of the one person who gives him comfort in the worst of times.]
I'll go with you when you appeal to him.
[Then he finally releases Lan Zhan, but keeps a hold of his husband's wrist, thin fingers latching on like he doesn't want to let go.]
I should be there, just to make a united front with you. [He can't let his Lan Zhan do everything, not when Wei Wuxian is responsible for all of this.] I want to be with you, and I should actually show that.
( Kind enthusiasm, if misplaced. He knows so, vividly, burningly. And where they stood so close now, he must once more be the cold water quieting his husband's ardor, must once more take a step back and inject forcible distance.
Hear him. His hand goes up, palm outward. Stay put. Listen. )
Wei Ying. ( Sweetheart. ) He does not know us bound. ( Nor will he, to protect Wei Ying's dignity, his virtue. It was asked of Lan Wangji. He cannot complicate matters without thought, without reason. )
You do not know belong in plea-biding between brothers. ( Nor did Lan Wangji, whenever Wei Ying sorted his matters of the house with Jiang Wanyin. In the end, such is family. )
[Just as well that Lan Zhan forestalled any complaint on Wei Wuxian's part, when he opened his mouth to do exactly that. What he ends up doing instead is frowning with a mulish expression.
He hates relying so much on one person when he is responsible, should be responsible, and has so many debts piling up on his shoulders.
And... this is Lan Zhan, his husband. He doesn't want to use their marriage purely for transactional purposes, he doesn't want to be the only one receiving. But for now? All he can do is do as Lan Zhan says because he has no political sway.]
Fine. But I will still do anything. Even... that purification. [And, ugh, he hates it. The way it implies he's dirty solely for working with an entirely new cultivation.
He doubts it will ever work on him though. No core to corrupt, after all.]
I shall not offer it. ( Not purification, not Wei Ying. Perhaps some matters are misunderstood, and it pains him, slows him to speak the words, crawling out of his mouth: ) He will not hear me as Hanguang-Jun.
( This is, though it shames him, no matter of justice. This is no matter of demanding that Zewu-Jun should align himself with that which is righteous and correct. They both know Wei Ying's cause to be so and that mere summons on that count have failed him.
He must ask as himself, as Lan Wangji, Lan Zhan. As the lesser, younger brother of a blinding star. And he must hope that Zewu-Jun, who has refused him nothing before, will not learn to speak such words now. )
[Politics. Family politics. Even he was witness to it, back with the inner Jiang clan, like everything was a business transaction, entirely different from the way his parents acted with each other, from what he can remember with them.
Wei Wuxian doesn't like these sects, sometimes.
He reaches out once more, offering.]
Then I'll stay put and wait for you with our son. Probably pop out a new baby while waiting. [Only half-joking. He's sure that Gusu Lan keeps track of their children well, and the only way he'd ever find a new child to adopt is if he went down to Caiyi or neighboring towns.]
( He had thought, more fool he, that they might have the evening together. That the bittermost realities of their world could wait for a handful of brisk hours, shared. He should have known better. (And is this all that Wei Ying wants of him, perhaps? Has he nothing but value?)
He does not care to ask, to consider. His husband would surely not make so little of him, would not use him. It is not as if he came, bright-eyed and all-bearing, offering out his seduction and his smiles, cornering Lan Wangji —
...no. He must not think of this. Shakes his head again and starts, gently, to move aside and recover a further set of layers. On his way, then. )
Lan Zhan-- [He tries to grab at his husband before he leaves.
Typical Lan Zhan, always wanting to do things immediately instead of waiting. Instead of relaxing first. Some things are better done before tomorrow comes, but seeing Lan Zhan move away like that makes him feel cold. Bereft.]
Lan Zhan, I think it can wait! Just-- stay?
[He hurries to Lan Zhan's side, babbling. Hoping Lan Zhan would listen to him now without a fight.]
I'm sure it will be a long discussion, and you won't be able to sleep before dawn comes. Let it be for another day or two, and stay here with me in the meantime. We've had a difficult night, no need to make it worse on you.
( A difficult night. Yes. Despite Lan Wangji's finest efforts and Wei Ying's own best behavior, they have been — challenged on this day. Perhaps they were foolish to assume marriage would not be work, and certainly there are matters of dowry and obligations typically handled by families before a young pair unites its destiny.
They should have expected no better than this. He nods, and it's tentative, but the rigid line of his shoulders dissolves fractionally; he is himself, not stone. He is that which Wei Ying may approach freely. )
The day after, then. ( By which time, perhaps Lan Wangji would have better grasped both Wei Ying's needs and his intentions. )
Dear husband. My dear, dear husband, always ready to help me but not even thinking of himself. [Wei Wuxian wraps his arms around Lan Zhan's waist, a comforting hug.]
Let's retire to bed, all right?
[And Wei Wuxian can have a night to try and plan what to do. The day after tomorrow is a definite deadline, and a close one at that. He'll have to come clean to Lan Zhan about his core then.
He should have already, but he was nervous and wanted to give himself time. Now he has less time than expected.]
( ...retire to bed. Ah. Another disputed territory on which they've failed to reconcile their inevitable differences. Lan Wangji has conceded sleep, at a stretch, but the truth remains that he is uncertain if they align on other, more brazen needs.
He dare not speed the word, its requirement. Dares do nothing but turn his head, flushed, before slowly shedding his outer layers once more and settled them tame on the nearest coffer. He will do well to don them once more, with morning. For now, soft under candle light, he only draws nearer to their bed, one knee straddling the edge as he climbs in.
He waits, poised, calm, rolling to one extreme of the bed to allow Wei Ying the better part of the stretch. As guests should enjoy. )
[Wei Wuxian crawls into bed after Lan Zhan, and settles on his side, facing his husband. After some seconds of staring, he reaches out, and places his hand on Lan Zhan's chest.]
Good night, husband.
[He's never shared a bed with someone like this before. He remembers being a child, sharing a bedroom with Jiang Cheng, somwtimes even the bed if either of them had a nightmare or during the stormy season. He remembers dozing beside Lan Zhan in the cave, catching what little rest he can while still making sure they don't wake up in a monster's belly. He remembers sharing a bedroll during the war, martial brothers with their backs against each other, never truly resting until they have that small bit of security.
But this? This is intimate in a way he's never experienced before. Perhaps it's because of the nature of their relationship. Martial siblings are quite different from spouses, after all.]
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no subject
They must learn, together. He finds the thought dangerously, heart-warmingly attractive, turning with sudden interest to settle his hands on Wei Ying's hips, gaze boring down into steely eyes. When he dips in to claim Wei Ying's mouth again, it's airy once more, apologetic. They've quarreled. It was not uniquely Lan Wangji's fault, but he could have done more to dissuade this.
He breaks apart. )
We may test with our second.
no subject
He wants it, he wants another so much, it's almost a physical need. He wants a small baby he can hug and coo over for hours, even when said baby has kept him up all night crying. He remembers the parents of Lotus Pier and Yunmeng, tired but still fulfilled with their babies, always talking about how good they smell, how strong their grip has gotten, and how cute their little toes are.
Wei Wuxian wants to know all of these for himself, and to experience them with Lan Zhan.]
I hope our second is much smaller, a proper infant. Yuan-er came out of me like that, you know! Fully-formed and yelling "gege!" already.
[Then, in a more subdued tone, as he wraps his arms around Lan Zhan's shoulders:] I always wanted a large family. Will you make it with me, Lan Zhan?
no subject
Children. A large family. Happiness the likes of which Zewu-Jun and he always admired, but never claimed for themselves. It could be theirs, Wei Ying's and his. He might have this, as real and solid as the man in his arms.
He turns Wei Ying fully toward him, unwavering. Hello, beloved. )
Let us see hpw your body fares after the second. ( After all, rearing two children is a feat even for a more veteran couple, and they have a slew of misunderstandings between them. In truth, to insert even one addition is... hardly prudent. And so, carefully: )
Will you stay, then?
no subject
He still does, because reality is painful to think about, even if he is the one who chose this life of hardship, living in poverty as a refugee and criminal, and is adamant in staying in it, until their circumstances change somehow. His life is not his own, but he ignored it to enjoy an illusion, even for a moment. And now... he has to choose between two realities that he's made. The Wens, and his marriage.
He presses his face into Lan Zhan's shoulder.]
I want to. I wish I could. I want to stay and build a life with you. [Then he takes a deep breath, and breaks the illusion.]
But... I can't leave the Wens, not when they're suffering in that mountain and choking on resentment. Not when most of society would happily see them dead, or worse, suffering the way the Jins did, just because of what their cultivators had done during Sunshot.
[He dreads hearing what Lan Zhan's response will be.]
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He wants, very badly, to scream. To coil his fingers into tight-knuckled fists, to release waves of destructive qi, to make a histrionic nuisance of himself. Doesn't. They have a child nearby, one barely relieved from the hurts of penury. And Hanguang-Jun has the pretence of his dignity, besides.
His head tips back, while he gazes at the ceiling, at the silent skies he knows wait beyond. Shutters his eyes. Then, hesitantly, he sketches a nod. )
Shall ask Zewu-jun if they may be fostered here. ( A risk, he knows all too well, that Cloud Recesses may prove unable to afford, their status and resources both diminished after the war, the name of the Wen anathema. )
no subject
However, whatever Wei Wuxian was dreading, it doesn't seem to come to pass. He hears something wonderful, and he pulls back enough to look at his husband in the face, cupping his cheeks.]
Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Lan Zhan. [He's so relieved that he's babbling.]
I'll do anything to help make it happen. I-- I'll give them my name, just so they won't be called Wen anymore, if he wants.
[It's a wonder that his voice remains steady, if a bit thin.]
no subject
Anything, anything, anything. And his mouth breaks in a fractured smile, and he wants what peace the world has ever denied Wei Ying, wants to bring it, bound and delivered in his unworthy hands. There is nothing he can say, at first. Wei Ying lingers far, Lan Wangji pulls him in, and together they can sway gently unseen and unworthy.
He releases him, moments after. ) Wei Ying, enough. Enough. He cannot be swayed. If it is to be done, it will be done.
( Words, pleading are unnecessary. Zewu-Jun must act as his conscience commands of him. )
no subject
I'll go with you when you appeal to him.
[Then he finally releases Lan Zhan, but keeps a hold of his husband's wrist, thin fingers latching on like he doesn't want to let go.]
I should be there, just to make a united front with you. [He can't let his Lan Zhan do everything, not when Wei Wuxian is responsible for all of this.] I want to be with you, and I should actually show that.
no subject
Hear him. His hand goes up, palm outward. Stay put. Listen. )
Wei Ying. ( Sweetheart. ) He does not know us bound. ( Nor will he, to protect Wei Ying's dignity, his virtue. It was asked of Lan Wangji. He cannot complicate matters without thought, without reason. )
You do not know belong in plea-biding between brothers. ( Nor did Lan Wangji, whenever Wei Ying sorted his matters of the house with Jiang Wanyin. In the end, such is family. )
no subject
He hates relying so much on one person when he is responsible, should be responsible, and has so many debts piling up on his shoulders.
And... this is Lan Zhan, his husband. He doesn't want to use their marriage purely for transactional purposes, he doesn't want to be the only one receiving. But for now? All he can do is do as Lan Zhan says because he has no political sway.]
Fine. But I will still do anything. Even... that purification. [And, ugh, he hates it. The way it implies he's dirty solely for working with an entirely new cultivation.
He doubts it will ever work on him though. No core to corrupt, after all.]
no subject
( This is, though it shames him, no matter of justice. This is no matter of demanding that Zewu-Jun should align himself with that which is righteous and correct. They both know Wei Ying's cause to be so and that mere summons on that count have failed him.
He must ask as himself, as Lan Wangji, Lan Zhan. As the lesser, younger brother of a blinding star. And he must hope that Zewu-Jun, who has refused him nothing before, will not learn to speak such words now. )
...this is politics.
no subject
Wei Wuxian doesn't like these sects, sometimes.
He reaches out once more, offering.]
Then I'll stay put and wait for you with our son. Probably pop out a new baby while waiting. [Only half-joking. He's sure that Gusu Lan keeps track of their children well, and the only way he'd ever find a new child to adopt is if he went down to Caiyi or neighboring towns.]
no subject
He does not care to ask, to consider. His husband would surely not make so little of him, would not use him. It is not as if he came, bright-eyed and all-bearing, offering out his seduction and his smiles, cornering Lan Wangji —
...no. He must not think of this. Shakes his head again and starts, gently, to move aside and recover a further set of layers. On his way, then. )
He will not be yet sleeping. Excuse me.
no subject
Typical Lan Zhan, always wanting to do things immediately instead of waiting. Instead of relaxing first. Some things are better done before tomorrow comes, but seeing Lan Zhan move away like that makes him feel cold. Bereft.]
Lan Zhan, I think it can wait! Just-- stay?
[He hurries to Lan Zhan's side, babbling. Hoping Lan Zhan would listen to him now without a fight.]
I'm sure it will be a long discussion, and you won't be able to sleep before dawn comes. Let it be for another day or two, and stay here with me in the meantime. We've had a difficult night, no need to make it worse on you.
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They should have expected no better than this. He nods, and it's tentative, but the rigid line of his shoulders dissolves fractionally; he is himself, not stone. He is that which Wei Ying may approach freely. )
The day after, then. ( By which time, perhaps Lan Wangji would have better grasped both Wei Ying's needs and his intentions. )
no subject
Let's retire to bed, all right?
[And Wei Wuxian can have a night to try and plan what to do. The day after tomorrow is a definite deadline, and a close one at that. He'll have to come clean to Lan Zhan about his core then.
He should have already, but he was nervous and wanted to give himself time. Now he has less time than expected.]
no subject
He dare not speed the word, its requirement. Dares do nothing but turn his head, flushed, before slowly shedding his outer layers once more and settled them tame on the nearest coffer. He will do well to don them once more, with morning. For now, soft under candle light, he only draws nearer to their bed, one knee straddling the edge as he climbs in.
He waits, poised, calm, rolling to one extreme of the bed to allow Wei Ying the better part of the stretch. As guests should enjoy. )
Please sleep without trouble.
no subject
Good night, husband.
[He's never shared a bed with someone like this before. He remembers being a child, sharing a bedroom with Jiang Cheng, somwtimes even the bed if either of them had a nightmare or during the stormy season. He remembers dozing beside Lan Zhan in the cave, catching what little rest he can while still making sure they don't wake up in a monster's belly. He remembers sharing a bedroll during the war, martial brothers with their backs against each other, never truly resting until they have that small bit of security.
But this? This is intimate in a way he's never experienced before. Perhaps it's because of the nature of their relationship. Martial siblings are quite different from spouses, after all.]