( He agrees, perhaps too simply. There is opportunity between them. A trickle of misunderstanding, a rivulet of silence. A vast sea of yearning so oppresaive, so great that Lan Wangji feels overwhelmed by his own want. Wholly drained.
This time he rises, crosses the distance. Lays his hand on Wei Ying's shoulder, first soft, then catching. Holds strong. Holds on.
And he says, only: )
Talk does not come easily. Shall learn, for Wei Ying. Be strong, as I do.
[Except the only way for Wei Wuxian to be strong on his own power is through demonic cultivation (gui dao, he reminds himself, people keep misspeaking its name, and it's getting harder to remember that it's not demonic), which Lan Zhan has already shown multiple times to hate.
Being strong is so difficult.
He reaches out, placing a hand on the small of his husband's back, and leaning in for a hug. One that puts their torsos together. Wei Wuxian leeches from Lan Zhan's warm, having gone this long with a damp overcoat, and now he's starting to shiver from the cold.
Idly, he wonders if Lan Zhan can feel his core-- rather, the lack thereof. He doesn't know, but he just realizes now that this position may just reveal his secret. Certainly not the way he imagined revealing it, but he doesn't know how to yet, anyway.]
( The wet of Wei Ying's clothes, he suspects, have slipped into his bones, slackened his limbs, left his skin gelid. Lan Wangji senses his weakness, his chills, and he draws both arms around his... husband, and he pulls him close. Indecent, by any count, but they're a wedded pair in the privacy of their home, and though Lan Wangji might wish Wei Ying's honor defended and their pledges screamed — this will do. It must do.
In the end, he scatters soft kisses over Wei Ying's brow, the top of his head. A strange angle, their height always too close for the gestures of easy, exceeding fondness he sees between men and wives at the market. No matter. No matter, he has enough.
What more can he ask for? This will do. This is enough. )
All I want is your happiness. Yet I fail. Will you teach me? ( How to do, how to speak, how to conceive of the things that bide Wei Ying's gladness. )
( He will try. Lan Wangji will also try. There is little more that they can do beyond their best, and Wei Ying feels too frail, too pale, too close to dismantling to endanger with hard advances.
Now, Lan Wangji's arms move to contain him, to capture his waist, to drift him near. To tip his cheek, warm, into Wei Ying's, cold, and let equilibrium reveal itself.
Unbidden, his mouth slips to Wei Ying's cheek, to claim its stretch. )
[Why would he deny Lan Zhan? Always, yes. He leans into Lan Zhan's embrace, hungrily basking in his warmth, too addicting by half to ignore. He really should remove his coat but he doesn't want to remover his arms from his husband's waist.
Wei Wuxian thinks that perhaps he doesn't need time to fall for him. Perhaps it's always been there, and he never noticed.]
Just being with you is enough, but whatever you want, yes.
( Impossible, improbable. But even cultivators aren't infallible, and Wei Ying's core has been long strained by the excessive toll of his unique demonic cultivation. There is a world in which sickness does not elude him with the enthusiasm that Wei Ying considers to be his birthright.
No, they must not be so arrogant. They must learn to accept their vulnerability, Wei Ying's own limitations. Gently, hesitantly, Lan Wangji extricates himself from the embrace, pointing his husband toward the coffer that holds the considerable and heavily embroidered silks of Hanguang-Jun's own regalia. Perhaps this is the clan's one vice: vanity. )
Please, take my robes. Make comfortable. We may purchase you fresh tomorrow. ( The colors, he knows, simply will not suit. ) And Yuan.
[A week ago, Wei Wuxian would have been ecstatic over the thought of having more of his husband's clothes. He is still thrilled by the thought, but it's tempered by the situation, his oncoming illness brought about by his weakness.
And because there's a child. He can't go bouncing around and making a ruckus, or else Zewu-jun will be dealing with a cranky child who hasn't slept yet, and as sweet east to care for as Yuan is, Wei Wuxian would never wish a crying toddler on anyone. Especially one with Yuan's strong lungs.]
My husband wants me to wear his clothes again? Heavier and warmer, in bed? [Thicker layers... he hasn't had proper Gusu robes since his guest disciple days.]
( Pick for him, as if Wei Ying is his pretty doll, or his child, or his wife true. As if the words can ever achieve less than delighting Lan Wangji, who makes haste across the room to display open the coffer, teasing out silks, layer by layer.
He looks through the offerings, palms the various textures, allows himself to enjoy the perverse indulgence of imagining Wei Ying's flesh encased by this shroud, tamed by softness. Then, he makes his selection: this is only a night's wear, three layers will suit. Of the colors, one pale blue, the other ivory, thicker to suit both the winter air and Wei Ying's strange frailty. On the outer layer, the phoenix bird in flight, a rare edge of playfulness so often denied to the disciples of Gusu Lan generally, and their foremost scion, particularly.
He hands all three out, nearly. )
Shall I assist you? ( He finds, he is not troubled or aggrieved to play the servant to his husband, even in such tasks as dressing. )
[White and blue, of course, because that's what Gusu Lan prefers as much as Yunmeng Jiang prefers purple. Wei Wuxian, of course, has ever been an anomaly with black and red, but he will wear whatever his husband chooses.
He pulls his over coat off and sets it back where he took it.]
Please.
[He's well aware of what he's asking. He needs to remove the zhongyi he currently has on because it's no good for keeping him warm anymore, damp as it is. He's already untying the strings, but hesitates in allowing it to fall open for now.]
( Please, and so Lan Wangji concedes to him, careful and coy when Wei Ying submits to scrutiny, drawing next to his — husband to assume control of his layering.
It's slow work, and some part of the meticulous unraveling commands him to pay explicit, unwavering attention in ways that forsake and exorcise his natural hesitations. Modesty dictates a man should not be bare before another, lest they are bound — but they have taken their bows, and Wei Ying appears far too pallid, besides.
He removes the first layer, then, with more reticence, the second, lingering little over limbs and the stretch of Wei Ying's chest. Each set of cloth, carefully folded atop Lan Wangji's bed. Skin begins to peer, now. He downs his eyes, tips of his ears ruddy. )
[This kind of intimacy is something they've never had before, and he's nervous-- and not for the most obvious reason. He has the old, gnarled burn from the Wen branding iron, but he also has the sharp, defined, straight line that's unmistakable as anything but a surgery scar. He should have thought about that before asking Lan Zhan to help him.
He's already running through excuses and explanations through his head, each new lie more ridiculous than the last one, but blessings of all blessings, Lan Zhan averts his eyes like he's shy. Wei Wuxian is inappropriately relieved about that, he doesn't have to come up with something stupid to explain away why he would have such a distinct, years-old scar in the middle of his chest.
He just makes a soft noise of acknowledgement in his throat and quickly changes his last layers for himself, and tugs on the new ones. When he's done, he steps closer to his husband, pulling the braid he made earlier over his shoulder.]
...warm. ( And he is unseemingly relieved to behold so, a constant prisoner of Wei Ying's ruthless beauty, of his startling new frailty. Now, as Lan Wangji turns, Wei Ying appears anchored by his silks, sustained in place, reliably present. Perhaps not yet thriving, but closer to the prospect.
Gently easing by, he captures Wei Ying's hands, drags them up, squeezes. Then, carefully, he begins to turn Wei Ying on his axis, so that Wangji might all the better enjoy the look of the cut on his body, how the cloth folds and hangs. For all they're close in height, time has had its tell on Wei Ying's constitution. A seamstress will take his measures from start to finish, but perhaps more of Lan Wangji's robes can be delivered and taken in at the waist, the shoulders. )
Will you attend yourself, if I bathe? ( Another stolen intimacy, more rapid intrusion. They should have paced themselves, but now the deed is done. )
[Wei Wuxian enjoys how Lan Zhan examines him, turning willingly to how off to his husband. The robes are comfortable, and it shows in his movements. It may be a little too loose around the waist and slightly tight around the hips, but Lan Zhan wears good fabrics, and Wei Wuxian is a Yunmeng boy, he's used to clothes that allow for freedom of movement. He's comfortable and warm, that matters the most.
He closes his hands around Lan Zhan's wrists, rubbing his pulse with knobby thumbs.]
Of course. I can keep myself amused until you return, don't worry about me.
[He's likely to just silently coo over how cute their son is anyway.]
( Only, all that Lan Wangji does is worry about this man, his prospects. He can hardly peel his gaze off Wei Ying and only prevails, withdrawing himself, once the need to cleanse becomes an overdue urgency. Their evenings do not dally as long as those of Yunmeng. He will want, soon enough, to enjoy his sleep.
And so, hesitantly, he excuses himself, joining the secondary chamber to bathe third, in waters already tarnished by his husband, the small child. It should discomfort him, instead only makes him fonder, to think this is how a normal family of villagers might share their home's comforts. Here, were Wei Ying to linger, they could arrange for additional buckets of steamed water to be delivered each night, for all three residents. But were they simpler people, this would be their fare, and they would share in none of the cultivation world's burdens.
He does not delay, his cleansing perfunctory — though, unlike Wei Ying, he lingers long enough to oil his hair and body with sandalwood elixirs after, to return only once he has been fashioned in the scents that become his station. He joins Wei Ying and Yuan again, dressed in five fresh pale layers, two too many even for the nighttime of Hanguang-Jun, but perhaps necessary for both their modesty, if they are only freshly elevated from the ranks of strangers. )
Aiya, don't worry about him so much, Lan Zhan. He's not a tiny baby who wakes the house up for milk every couple of hours. [He waves a hand in the air, his long body sprawled on the floor next to Yuan's little nest, the boy's limbs spread out everywhere.]
If someone puts Yuan-er to sleep at night, he'll sleep like a log until morning. [Now he gets up, straightening out his sleep robes again, and moves to be with his husband.] I'm told a lot of children are like that.
[Though he's pretty sure that in Yuan's case, he learned how to sleep through noise, what with the circumstances of his birth and his earliest months of living.]
( ...and how would Lan Wangji know? How might Wei Ying have known so much of children, prior to this encounter? In truth, they're still children of spring, pushed far too early into battle, mature in only the ways of bloodshed. They have entertained neither formal lovers, nor families.
They must learn, together. He finds the thought dangerously, heart-warmingly attractive, turning with sudden interest to settle his hands on Wei Ying's hips, gaze boring down into steely eyes. When he dips in to claim Wei Ying's mouth again, it's airy once more, apologetic. They've quarreled. It was not uniquely Lan Wangji's fault, but he could have done more to dissuade this.
["Our second". Second. The declaration makes Wei Wuxian smile widely, giddy from the thought of Lan Zhan planning another child with him. The kiss probably helped as well.
He wants it, he wants another so much, it's almost a physical need. He wants a small baby he can hug and coo over for hours, even when said baby has kept him up all night crying. He remembers the parents of Lotus Pier and Yunmeng, tired but still fulfilled with their babies, always talking about how good they smell, how strong their grip has gotten, and how cute their little toes are.
Wei Wuxian wants to know all of these for himself, and to experience them with Lan Zhan.]
I hope our second is much smaller, a proper infant. Yuan-er came out of me like that, you know! Fully-formed and yelling "gege!" already.
[Then, in a more subdued tone, as he wraps his arms around Lan Zhan's shoulders:] I always wanted a large family. Will you make it with me, Lan Zhan?
( A large family. A handsome dream for a generation deprived after the Wen wars, their tolls. Lan Wangji considers, mouth soft and gaze even, only to pretend some modicum of restraint before agreeing wholly and relentlessly.
Children. A large family. Happiness the likes of which Zewu-Jun and he always admired, but never claimed for themselves. It could be theirs, Wei Ying's and his. He might have this, as real and solid as the man in his arms.
Let us see hpw your body fares after the second. ( After all, rearing two children is a feat even for a more veteran couple, and they have a slew of misunderstandings between them. In truth, to insert even one addition is... hardly prudent. And so, carefully: )
[There it is. They'd circled back to this topic, even if they brushed over it in the past and Wei Wuxian fully ignored it because he wanted to stay in the illusion of a happy marriage for as long as possible.
He still does, because reality is painful to think about, even if he is the one who chose this life of hardship, living in poverty as a refugee and criminal, and is adamant in staying in it, until their circumstances change somehow. His life is not his own, but he ignored it to enjoy an illusion, even for a moment. And now... he has to choose between two realities that he's made. The Wens, and his marriage.
He presses his face into Lan Zhan's shoulder.]
I want to. I wish I could. I want to stay and build a life with you. [Then he takes a deep breath, and breaks the illusion.]
But... I can't leave the Wens, not when they're suffering in that mountain and choking on resentment. Not when most of society would happily see them dead, or worse, suffering the way the Jins did, just because of what their cultivators had done during Sunshot.
[He dreads hearing what Lan Zhan's response will be.]
( If they were lesser men, they might have eloped. If they were better one, they would each attend to his duty. As things stand, they dither between states, Lan Wangji inevitably, impossibly demanding that which Wei Ying seems to know far better can never be achieved.
He wants, very badly, to scream. To coil his fingers into tight-knuckled fists, to release waves of destructive qi, to make a histrionic nuisance of himself. Doesn't. They have a child nearby, one barely relieved from the hurts of penury. And Hanguang-Jun has the pretence of his dignity, besides.
His head tips back, while he gazes at the ceiling, at the silent skies he knows wait beyond. Shutters his eyes. Then, hesitantly, he sketches a nod. )
Shall ask Zewu-jun if they may be fostered here. ( A risk, he knows all too well, that Cloud Recesses may prove unable to afford, their status and resources both diminished after the war, the name of the Wen anathema. )
[That is... a distressingly long silence that makes Wei Wuxian's heart beat so fast and so strong in his chest that he thinks it will break his bones, escape the confines of his chest, and rest in his head. He can definitely feel it in his ears pounding away like the Jade rabbit at its mortar.
However, whatever Wei Wuxian was dreading, it doesn't seem to come to pass. He hears something wonderful, and he pulls back enough to look at his husband in the face, cupping his cheeks.]
Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Lan Zhan. [He's so relieved that he's babbling.]
I'll do anything to help make it happen. I-- I'll give them my name, just so they won't be called Wen anymore, if he wants.
[It's a wonder that his voice remains steady, if a bit thin.]
( 'Anything,' he says. 'Anything,' as if he means 'the world.' 'Anything,' as if they don't both know Jin Guangshan would gladly have it. 'Anything,' and Lan Wangji knows it true.
Anything, anything, anything. And his mouth breaks in a fractured smile, and he wants what peace the world has ever denied Wei Ying, wants to bring it, bound and delivered in his unworthy hands. There is nothing he can say, at first. Wei Ying lingers far, Lan Wangji pulls him in, and together they can sway gently unseen and unworthy.
He releases him, moments after. ) Wei Ying, enough. Enough. He cannot be swayed. If it is to be done, it will be done.
( Words, pleading are unnecessary. Zewu-Jun must act as his conscience commands of him. )
[Wei Wuxian quiets down with this reminder-- they're at the mercy of Lan Xichen, a new sect leader who has a sect to rebuild and two sworn brothers to please. Still, he clings to Lan Zhan even as he's released, taking in the warmth of the one person who gives him comfort in the worst of times.]
I'll go with you when you appeal to him.
[Then he finally releases Lan Zhan, but keeps a hold of his husband's wrist, thin fingers latching on like he doesn't want to let go.]
I should be there, just to make a united front with you. [He can't let his Lan Zhan do everything, not when Wei Wuxian is responsible for all of this.] I want to be with you, and I should actually show that.
( Kind enthusiasm, if misplaced. He knows so, vividly, burningly. And where they stood so close now, he must once more be the cold water quieting his husband's ardor, must once more take a step back and inject forcible distance.
Hear him. His hand goes up, palm outward. Stay put. Listen. )
Wei Ying. ( Sweetheart. ) He does not know us bound. ( Nor will he, to protect Wei Ying's dignity, his virtue. It was asked of Lan Wangji. He cannot complicate matters without thought, without reason. )
You do not know belong in plea-biding between brothers. ( Nor did Lan Wangji, whenever Wei Ying sorted his matters of the house with Jiang Wanyin. In the end, such is family. )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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( He agrees, perhaps too simply. There is opportunity between them. A trickle of misunderstanding, a rivulet of silence. A vast sea of yearning so oppresaive, so great that Lan Wangji feels overwhelmed by his own want. Wholly drained.
This time he rises, crosses the distance. Lays his hand on Wei Ying's shoulder, first soft, then catching. Holds strong. Holds on.
And he says, only: )
Talk does not come easily. Shall learn, for Wei Ying. Be strong, as I do.
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For you.
[Except the only way for Wei Wuxian to be strong on his own power is through demonic cultivation (gui dao, he reminds himself, people keep misspeaking its name, and it's getting harder to remember that it's not demonic), which Lan Zhan has already shown multiple times to hate.
Being strong is so difficult.
He reaches out, placing a hand on the small of his husband's back, and leaning in for a hug. One that puts their torsos together. Wei Wuxian leeches from Lan Zhan's warm, having gone this long with a damp overcoat, and now he's starting to shiver from the cold.
Idly, he wonders if Lan Zhan can feel his core-- rather, the lack thereof. He doesn't know, but he just realizes now that this position may just reveal his secret. Certainly not the way he imagined revealing it, but he doesn't know how to yet, anyway.]
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In the end, he scatters soft kisses over Wei Ying's brow, the top of his head. A strange angle, their height always too close for the gestures of easy, exceeding fondness he sees between men and wives at the market. No matter. No matter, he has enough.
What more can he ask for? This will do. This is enough. )
All I want is your happiness. Yet I fail. Will you teach me? ( How to do, how to speak, how to conceive of the things that bide Wei Ying's gladness. )
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But since Lan Zhan deserves an answer...]
Few things make me happy nowadays. That is simply the way the world has turned out to be, and neither of us can change it.
[He tucks his face into the crook of Lan Zhan's neck, even if it's a bit of a pain on his own.]
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Now, Lan Wangji's arms move to contain him, to capture his waist, to drift him near. To tip his cheek, warm, into Wei Ying's, cold, and let equilibrium reveal itself.
Unbidden, his mouth slips to Wei Ying's cheek, to claim its stretch. )
I would like to try. Let me.
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[Why would he deny Lan Zhan? Always, yes. He leans into Lan Zhan's embrace, hungrily basking in his warmth, too addicting by half to ignore. He really should remove his coat but he doesn't want to remover his arms from his husband's waist.
Wei Wuxian thinks that perhaps he doesn't need time to fall for him. Perhaps it's always been there, and he never noticed.]
Just being with you is enough, but whatever you want, yes.
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( Impossible, improbable. But even cultivators aren't infallible, and Wei Ying's core has been long strained by the excessive toll of his unique demonic cultivation. There is a world in which sickness does not elude him with the enthusiasm that Wei Ying considers to be his birthright.
No, they must not be so arrogant. They must learn to accept their vulnerability, Wei Ying's own limitations. Gently, hesitantly, Lan Wangji extricates himself from the embrace, pointing his husband toward the coffer that holds the considerable and heavily embroidered silks of Hanguang-Jun's own regalia. Perhaps this is the clan's one vice: vanity. )
Please, take my robes. Make comfortable. We may purchase you fresh tomorrow. ( The colors, he knows, simply will not suit. ) And Yuan.
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And because there's a child. He can't go bouncing around and making a ruckus, or else Zewu-jun will be dealing with a cranky child who hasn't slept yet, and as sweet east to care for as Yuan is, Wei Wuxian would never wish a crying toddler on anyone. Especially one with Yuan's strong lungs.]
My husband wants me to wear his clothes again? Heavier and warmer, in bed? [Thicker layers... he hasn't had proper Gusu robes since his guest disciple days.]
Go pick for me.
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He looks through the offerings, palms the various textures, allows himself to enjoy the perverse indulgence of imagining Wei Ying's flesh encased by this shroud, tamed by softness. Then, he makes his selection: this is only a night's wear, three layers will suit. Of the colors, one pale blue, the other ivory, thicker to suit both the winter air and Wei Ying's strange frailty. On the outer layer, the phoenix bird in flight, a rare edge of playfulness so often denied to the disciples of Gusu Lan generally, and their foremost scion, particularly.
He hands all three out, nearly. )
Shall I assist you? ( He finds, he is not troubled or aggrieved to play the servant to his husband, even in such tasks as dressing. )
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He pulls his over coat off and sets it back where he took it.]
Please.
[He's well aware of what he's asking. He needs to remove the zhongyi he currently has on because it's no good for keeping him warm anymore, damp as it is. He's already untying the strings, but hesitates in allowing it to fall open for now.]
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It's slow work, and some part of the meticulous unraveling commands him to pay explicit, unwavering attention in ways that forsake and exorcise his natural hesitations. Modesty dictates a man should not be bare before another, lest they are bound — but they have taken their bows, and Wei Ying appears far too pallid, besides.
He removes the first layer, then, with more reticence, the second, lingering little over limbs and the stretch of Wei Ying's chest. Each set of cloth, carefully folded atop Lan Wangji's bed. Skin begins to peer, now. He downs his eyes, tips of his ears ruddy. )
You may handle the rest.
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He's already running through excuses and explanations through his head, each new lie more ridiculous than the last one, but blessings of all blessings, Lan Zhan averts his eyes like he's shy. Wei Wuxian is inappropriately relieved about that, he doesn't have to come up with something stupid to explain away why he would have such a distinct, years-old scar in the middle of his chest.
He just makes a soft noise of acknowledgement in his throat and quickly changes his last layers for himself, and tugs on the new ones. When he's done, he steps closer to his husband, pulling the braid he made earlier over his shoulder.]
Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, how do I look?
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Gently easing by, he captures Wei Ying's hands, drags them up, squeezes. Then, carefully, he begins to turn Wei Ying on his axis, so that Wangji might all the better enjoy the look of the cut on his body, how the cloth folds and hangs. For all they're close in height, time has had its tell on Wei Ying's constitution. A seamstress will take his measures from start to finish, but perhaps more of Lan Wangji's robes can be delivered and taken in at the waist, the shoulders. )
Will you attend yourself, if I bathe? ( Another stolen intimacy, more rapid intrusion. They should have paced themselves, but now the deed is done. )
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He closes his hands around Lan Zhan's wrists, rubbing his pulse with knobby thumbs.]
Of course. I can keep myself amused until you return, don't worry about me.
[He's likely to just silently coo over how cute their son is anyway.]
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And so, hesitantly, he excuses himself, joining the secondary chamber to bathe third, in waters already tarnished by his husband, the small child. It should discomfort him, instead only makes him fonder, to think this is how a normal family of villagers might share their home's comforts. Here, were Wei Ying to linger, they could arrange for additional buckets of steamed water to be delivered each night, for all three residents. But were they simpler people, this would be their fare, and they would share in none of the cultivation world's burdens.
He does not delay, his cleansing perfunctory — though, unlike Wei Ying, he lingers long enough to oil his hair and body with sandalwood elixirs after, to return only once he has been fashioned in the scents that become his station. He joins Wei Ying and Yuan again, dressed in five fresh pale layers, two too many even for the nighttime of Hanguang-Jun, but perhaps necessary for both their modesty, if they are only freshly elevated from the ranks of strangers. )
He sleeps still?
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If someone puts Yuan-er to sleep at night, he'll sleep like a log until morning. [Now he gets up, straightening out his sleep robes again, and moves to be with his husband.] I'm told a lot of children are like that.
[Though he's pretty sure that in Yuan's case, he learned how to sleep through noise, what with the circumstances of his birth and his earliest months of living.]
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They must learn, together. He finds the thought dangerously, heart-warmingly attractive, turning with sudden interest to settle his hands on Wei Ying's hips, gaze boring down into steely eyes. When he dips in to claim Wei Ying's mouth again, it's airy once more, apologetic. They've quarreled. It was not uniquely Lan Wangji's fault, but he could have done more to dissuade this.
He breaks apart. )
We may test with our second.
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He wants it, he wants another so much, it's almost a physical need. He wants a small baby he can hug and coo over for hours, even when said baby has kept him up all night crying. He remembers the parents of Lotus Pier and Yunmeng, tired but still fulfilled with their babies, always talking about how good they smell, how strong their grip has gotten, and how cute their little toes are.
Wei Wuxian wants to know all of these for himself, and to experience them with Lan Zhan.]
I hope our second is much smaller, a proper infant. Yuan-er came out of me like that, you know! Fully-formed and yelling "gege!" already.
[Then, in a more subdued tone, as he wraps his arms around Lan Zhan's shoulders:] I always wanted a large family. Will you make it with me, Lan Zhan?
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Children. A large family. Happiness the likes of which Zewu-Jun and he always admired, but never claimed for themselves. It could be theirs, Wei Ying's and his. He might have this, as real and solid as the man in his arms.
He turns Wei Ying fully toward him, unwavering. Hello, beloved. )
Let us see hpw your body fares after the second. ( After all, rearing two children is a feat even for a more veteran couple, and they have a slew of misunderstandings between them. In truth, to insert even one addition is... hardly prudent. And so, carefully: )
Will you stay, then?
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He still does, because reality is painful to think about, even if he is the one who chose this life of hardship, living in poverty as a refugee and criminal, and is adamant in staying in it, until their circumstances change somehow. His life is not his own, but he ignored it to enjoy an illusion, even for a moment. And now... he has to choose between two realities that he's made. The Wens, and his marriage.
He presses his face into Lan Zhan's shoulder.]
I want to. I wish I could. I want to stay and build a life with you. [Then he takes a deep breath, and breaks the illusion.]
But... I can't leave the Wens, not when they're suffering in that mountain and choking on resentment. Not when most of society would happily see them dead, or worse, suffering the way the Jins did, just because of what their cultivators had done during Sunshot.
[He dreads hearing what Lan Zhan's response will be.]
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He wants, very badly, to scream. To coil his fingers into tight-knuckled fists, to release waves of destructive qi, to make a histrionic nuisance of himself. Doesn't. They have a child nearby, one barely relieved from the hurts of penury. And Hanguang-Jun has the pretence of his dignity, besides.
His head tips back, while he gazes at the ceiling, at the silent skies he knows wait beyond. Shutters his eyes. Then, hesitantly, he sketches a nod. )
Shall ask Zewu-jun if they may be fostered here. ( A risk, he knows all too well, that Cloud Recesses may prove unable to afford, their status and resources both diminished after the war, the name of the Wen anathema. )
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However, whatever Wei Wuxian was dreading, it doesn't seem to come to pass. He hears something wonderful, and he pulls back enough to look at his husband in the face, cupping his cheeks.]
Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Lan Zhan. [He's so relieved that he's babbling.]
I'll do anything to help make it happen. I-- I'll give them my name, just so they won't be called Wen anymore, if he wants.
[It's a wonder that his voice remains steady, if a bit thin.]
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Anything, anything, anything. And his mouth breaks in a fractured smile, and he wants what peace the world has ever denied Wei Ying, wants to bring it, bound and delivered in his unworthy hands. There is nothing he can say, at first. Wei Ying lingers far, Lan Wangji pulls him in, and together they can sway gently unseen and unworthy.
He releases him, moments after. ) Wei Ying, enough. Enough. He cannot be swayed. If it is to be done, it will be done.
( Words, pleading are unnecessary. Zewu-Jun must act as his conscience commands of him. )
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I'll go with you when you appeal to him.
[Then he finally releases Lan Zhan, but keeps a hold of his husband's wrist, thin fingers latching on like he doesn't want to let go.]
I should be there, just to make a united front with you. [He can't let his Lan Zhan do everything, not when Wei Wuxian is responsible for all of this.] I want to be with you, and I should actually show that.
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Hear him. His hand goes up, palm outward. Stay put. Listen. )
Wei Ying. ( Sweetheart. ) He does not know us bound. ( Nor will he, to protect Wei Ying's dignity, his virtue. It was asked of Lan Wangji. He cannot complicate matters without thought, without reason. )
You do not know belong in plea-biding between brothers. ( Nor did Lan Wangji, whenever Wei Ying sorted his matters of the house with Jiang Wanyin. In the end, such is family. )
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